almost insane...

i cant do dis anymore...!!!
I'm begging u..pls..let me go...
car's allowed to do u-turn when it want to..as long as der's a u-turn ahead..
people's too got a chance..
but y not me..?y i cant...y i am not allowed!
i've done wrong...YES i broke ur heart!!!but dat just d risk..n u shud know dat...the risk of getting hurt!d risk of love...!nobody perfect...i have done enough bad things to u...i want it to STOP!!!y cant u juz let me go...
u said i owe u..then wat shud i do?gave my all to u...?i cant do dat...u deserve to be happy i know dat...!but still...i deserve a life too..my life...
mcm mn "binatang" pun aku..i still have a feeling...
wat do u want me to do?apa?!!!!!!!!!!!!
i tried..i did..i tried to tell myself dat i am still have so called 'sayang' feelings to u...but dat just it...i want to see u happy..success in ur life..be a human again..
but syg..i cant pretend to like being hug by u...i cant kiss u anymore..i cant even look at ur face..!
cuz i felt disgust wit u..n myself too!!!!!!!
and when u we sleep together on a same bad...i prayed to TIME.."pls..do watever u can do..juz let the time dont walk but run!" i cant!!!i cant!!!i cant pretend anymore...!!!
aku geli...geli...geli.....GELI....
i dont have feelings for u...not even want to hug u..kiss u..n u want me to make love wit u!
hell no!!!then just shoot me! i rather die...

u said "y must u lied to me"
then wat shud i do?u dont even give a chance..a way!
i wanted to stop...go away from dis so called "relationship"
but did u let me?
evrytime i said lets just cut off dis relationship..wat did u do?
u will acting like a crazy person!even want me to kill..

im tired..so tired...i dont know wat to do anymore...
how long shud i keep on pretending dat i like u..dat i want u to touch me...
how long would it take for u to be a person?
ndak kn ko mau aku kawin dgn ko......!!!!
u said u r almost crazy thinking of me everyday..
now...i am the one who will be going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im enough!!!!!i cant do dis.....
pls...let me...let me do my u-turn..!!!
curse me...!but pls let me go.....

ena....remember u told me about a wise men once told u..dat one part clever and 3 parts fool..
and u said dat the 3 parts are ME!!!
i bet u were right...i am...
i keep on playing wit d games..and now it wont allow me to leave...
im done!!im stuck in here..no way out...no even u-turn for me!!!

im officially DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am about to be insane....i cant think anymore...pls anyone..anyone...pls stop...stop hurting me..i have a lot in hapening in me alrdy...

now im trying to find my way back home..if u want to lend me a hand..then lets walk together...


let me find my way back..let me go..

Love : Lust

have u guys ever think about love?ya..i bet u do..always ha...~
then..
how bout LUST..?have u?know what lust means?lol stupid question i bet...
but neway lust is one of the 7 deadly sins..why so?then u have to found out by your own...

its said that love and lust are not meant to be the same. love and lust did not share the same meaning. NOT AT ALL!!!!

but as for me...love is also a part of a sin..isn't that so? love is something that wonderful.they said... when u fall in love its like the greatest things happen to u.n u wish the time will just stop there.when i was still a kid my mom always told me about this phrase from bible..

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"love is patient.love is kind.love is never jealous. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

so...are u guys patient in your love?kind to your love?never had the jealousy in love?LOVE IS NOT PROUD..!!! but..now..today in this world people are using "love" in a wrong way.... having love..or having someone u love and he/she loves u back, don't be arrogant. just keep it up for u n him to know that. if u who proudly said that u r in love.n having the greatest love..look back inside urself,are u sure u are in that phrase of "love"? because when u do...then the world is yours..u r full of love...n will said love is in the air...

BUT!!!!!!!!

when u are not patient with ur love..u are not kind with ur love..ur jealousy control ur love..u dont have trust in ur love...u keep on angered in ur love... u are one step closer to commit sins (LUST) darl....=)

LUST?????

y i said one step closer...? Dante's la Divina Commedia criterion for lust was an "excessive love of others,"

know what 'excessive love of others' can do? it will hurt not just urself but the one u have excessive of love..~

here's a little story of mine..
i met him one year ago..when my heart are broke.he(Mr X) came just in time...we have a lot of fun together..day by day i even started to forget about he(Mr Y) who broke my heart...he loves me.i know it.i even can see it from his eyes.talk.walk.body..ok enuf wit dat crap!hehe i guess i love him too..yes i do.! i did infact...
but...not enough wit move on wit him and forget the past, i thought it must be fun to have two boyfren at the same time..since my ex(Mr Y) who broke me up,want me back...from dis moment slowly i forgot about love..i become a coldhearted person..i said "i love u" but i dont really meant it.. and how can a pure sincere heart can become a heart that really cold inside..until one time i even dont know is that what happening to me is love..i'm not interested with all dat stupid love.giving all dat i have..love u until the end of time..it just hapen in a song(s)...=) trust me!be realistic...

and then wat hapen next...i keep on living my life with lying..lying..lying...i even become good at it..i dont care how my act will hurt his(Mr X) feelings..i make him look so stupid.i want him when i say i want him.when i say i dont want.then get lost...he's been faithful to me day by day...but someone have his own limit..and i done over his limit..he started to fall apart..the love he had for me now gone...he hate me because of the love had for me..he even want me to die..he's been thinking of killing me.evryday infact.the hatred make him become another person...isnt that have all this thought is lust?

but...i still have not stop..he said "kau patut dapat pengajaran kau ni" (u will have ur lesson!) i think i should have.once!let me realize how bad am i...

but..why?why i dont even thinking of stopping all diz crap dat i have done..i wanted too.i want to stop.but people around just dont want to let me STOP!!!

I keep on saying dat its all his(Mr Y) fault for what i am right now...its all his fault.if he didnt let me go. and broke me up maybe..maybe i wouldnt be in this situation right now. but what he had done to me its really got nothing to do for who i am and what i am doing right now..its all me!!!i the who get very excited and happy with this...i make this things getting worst..i even not have this so called trust in evry people heart...

im really a BITCH...and thanks to Mr Y says "u like being bitch arent u...then juz go on wit ur bitches life.." and let me tell u..i did!i did go on wit my bitchess life....~

and now..the lesson learn...i dont know whether to regret what i have done...

LOVE : Lust.....it juz the same for me....it is the same thou..love make u fall into lust..




p/s: u can freely judge me for this post.but it just something that in my mind..and it is really happens to me..lol till then muax!

PS, i love you

i just wana share with all of you bout diz interesting story that i juz watch. It called "PS, I LOVE YOU"

the original story is from a book by Irish writer Cecelia Ahern's, the first novel from her. it published on 2004. this book had reached #1 best seller.

the story basically about this lady holly kennedy , married with her love one for like almost 10 years.and suddenly her love one, the husband, gerry, died due to illness. and so she started a life without him.

summary

Holly Kennedy is beautiful, smart and married to the love of her life - a passionate, funny and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. So when Gerry's life is taken by an illness, it takes the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Nobody knows Holly better than Gerry, so it's a good thing he planned ahead. Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of 10 letters that will guide her, not only through her grief but in rediscovering herself. The messages are Gerry's way of informing Holly life goes on. The messages include various tasks and treats Gerry has left for Holly. This is his way of letting her know he will always be there for her. Each letter sends her on a new adventure and each signs off in the same way: "P.S. I Love You." Holly's mother and best friends, Sharon and Denise, begin to worry that Gerry's letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but, in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future. With Gerry's words as her guide, Holly embarks on a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship and how a love so strong can turn the finality of death into new beginning for life.


novel cover (dis wat u will find in the bookstore here in malaysia)


UK cover

and maybe there's some u who like me that will freak out when saw a book that kinda thick, no worries cuz they alrdy produce a movie based on the novel itself.but there slightly changes of character. but still the story are still the same.

cover for the movie. poster. etc..

i hope u guys will enjoy diz movie as much as i do...

muahhhh

lurve of a L.i.F.E time

well..since this is my very first time writing this blog.maybe i should just start about sumthing that i like most..i care most..but i hurt the most..where should i start...back in we first meet?its kinda very long time ago..but still its a sweet memories=)

it started on 15 feb 2006...
i was waiting for a bus and suddenly he stood up in front of me with a smiling face and he keep on saying 'hai,ko lupa sdh'. and immediately i started to think where on earth i know this guy..oo yes he's the one with me in the flight from kuching way back to kk..and story of us started there...he ask for my fon no..ask me for a movie 'big momma house 2'.we go for a drink..

16 feb 2006..
he want to meet again..so we met..in macdonald restaurant..and after that we went for a jalan2..and after we went back home,we started messenging each other..and he ask if i wana be his girl..and neva tot of anything..i say YES..=)

and after that we have d best moment ever...that time we not really into taking picture but luckily there still a few we have.



the first picture we had..=)

i really dont like his hair=)..but he look different now

its kinda sad thats d only picture we had on 2006..
but its really a lot of things hapen that year..when we first met both of us are in kk.after may he finish his practicle at ums. on july if im not mistaken he had to go back to politeknik kuching to finish his courses..and on september we had a very very big fight but then we manage to work it out at the same month i went to kuching to meet him.he bought ticket for me =)
and after that we didnt see each other for about 3 months.he's in kuching,im in kk.he's in kk now and i'm at lahad datu.my hometown.

Year 2007..
here we are..a new year..

first thing i recall about this year is..the first day of this year..we had a fight..hahaha it is all because i wanna spend tym wit him,and he's like i'll be very busy..bla.bla.bla..
but finally we still had a good time together =)

on january i have to go back to kk to start my new semester again..so dats mean i can meet him again..we not really meet each other every day.because he stay at his mother house at papar and its kinda far and will cost him a lot to go to kk..
but well...it is also a very memorable moment with him as day goes by..

its May alrdy..
finally i finish my foundation..and he still looking for job..after i finish my exam again i went back to lahad datu.after a few weeks in l.d, he said he got a job but he have to go to k.l...its really frustrate me cuz i can not go to kk to meet him before he fly to kl..


picture taken when we still at kk..


August now..
its been 3 months since we didn't meet each other.and the really big thing is I'm going to kl to further my study. I'm taking bachelor of accounting and luckily it didnt offer at kk =)
so here we now together again in this strange place.. he started to work alrdy..and his life very busy,apart from his work,he have a cousin that always need him by her side, he got new friend that he always hangout with.and suddenly he had to include me in his life. being here in kl with him..was really a happy moments for me.because i can be with him all the time..but i never tot dat he dont like my present here with him..i guess i came at the wrong time..despite all the happy thing that we had gone thru, i always cry all night thingking of what he did to me.. i hate to recall back cuz when i do it will make me feel stupid at a time and hate him..ok enough wit d memories

december..
i must go back to sabah..cus its semester break.and no he did not go back to sabah cuz he will have a very nice new year plan wit his cousin at phuket..here's some picture of us from diz year


so sad to say but this is really what we have since we're at kl
dont really said bout picture we took..we even went to kl for jalan2 only once....

there's no word best describe my feeling for him this year..but I HATE HIM so much...
im so hurt...

i think enough for now..we'll continue bout me and him next post..